Men can be pansies, let’s face it. It’s rare for any man to ever actually instigate a break up. They do what I like to call, ‘the coward’s breakup,’ where they basically treat you so poorly until you utterly have no other choice (if you’re a self respecting woman that is) than to end it. Before we reach our breaking point, we inevitably rationalize their poor behavior with any number of excuses; He’s had a hard day at work, he has trouble committing, he means well, and so on – but I think we all know that we’re lying to ourselves.

If men are pansies, ladies love to over-analyze. They love to talk to their partner, communicate, deconstruct their relationship and try to understand it all over again. But I have never found a phrase strike fear and the desire to flee more than “can we talk?” So, instead of relying on the old fashion verbal communication, I started listening to what they weren’t saying, their actions. You know the phrase, Actions speak louder than words, well it applies fully in this situation.

A man will essentially tell you everything you need to know by his actions. He doesn’t call when he says he will? It’s not because he’s busy at work, it’s because it wasn’t important enough for him to remember. He doesn’t make an effort to see you? It’s because he’d rather be doing something else. He doesn’t change on something that really hurts you? It’s because he doesn’t care enough. Stop making excuses for him, and start making decisions for yourself.

I once had a girlfriend who continually complained about her boyfriend. He never does this, he doesn’t do that, and on and on. After months of patient listening and offering small suggestions, I couldn’t take it anymore – drastic measures were required. “You know what, Sarah? That’s all you deserve. You’re lucky you found someone; he is the best you’re ever going to get. Hang onto that one.” I think she finally heard what I was trying to say.

When you put up with something that you don’t deserve, you are subconsciously saying that this is exactly what you’re worth.  Listen to what he’s not saying, because already he’s told you everything. It’s now up to you to decide if it’s what you wanted to hear.